Hi Everyone, if 'everyone' actually exists...

So I used to do this blog when I was a 15 year old whore thinking I knew everything about the world offering shit advice such as 'make sure to shave your fanny in case you get spiked at a party'

Tragic. Isn't it? ahahah

Anyway, I am now 19 and have just read through ALL of my blogs, trying not to die of a cringe attack in the process and screenshotting the most outrageous sections to send to my friends.

Sounds like 15 year old me had a lot of fun to be honest.
(insert photo of me smoking a soggy Marlborough gold, holding a WKD whilst sitting on a pubescent boys lap)


Now I know why my mother-hen never let me leave the house....

ANYWAY, since my uni course is a pile of shit and my life has no purpose other than having great sex with my 7 inch wonder, I feel like i should restart this blogpost.





Why do people read my blog.... WHY.

Heres a list of five things I will so beautifully be discussing

Sex - handcuff her to the bed

Pricks with drugs - do drugs but don't be knobcheese

Being Gay - experiment with all genitals, theres no homos in the afterlife

Body confidence - no one cares how big your tits are, get on the squat rack

university - who really gives a fuck? Drug dealing is always an option

I am inspirational. All hail. 

 

ITS BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS

I've missed this blog so much! Since its the Christmas holidays and I'm ill on the sofa coughing up 50% phlegm and 50% my life and dreams I thought I'd do a lil piercing update.

So....here's what pieces of metal I currently have through my body....

Helix- 4 years old
septum- 3 years old
16mm- stretcher
10mm stretcher- wont stretch to 12mm because its a stubborn bitch, just like me.

In the time warp since I have last posted I have also had a collar bone piercing and a rook piercing where my ear became infected and blew up to the size of my foot.

I would show amusing pictures of this but I recently flushed my iphone6 down the toilet, hurray for being a complete dweeb.

I am planning to go on a piercing shopping trip and getting my nose and naval done because I get so bloody bored of my appearance which has lately resulted in me shaving half of my head which my mum loved....


I have also booked a tattoo appointment and am so excited that I may have just wee'd myself a little bit, only joking. Planning on having a flyleaf tattoo on my upper inner arm from the song and album New horizons. If you guys haven't checked out the band Flyleaf give them a listen, however Lacey Sturm has left the band so its a little more suck-ish. The quote says "you can get your sleep when you are dead."

I am also getting a little symbol behind my ear that I tend to draw on myself that helps me feel more in control and balanced, its a bit of an OCD thing. Boom dropped the O word.

I'm getting an elephant to symbolise my boyfriend who I have been with for over two years now, MENTAL. ( I wont regret it I promise). Here's a pic of me and him at bring me the horizon and him very legally smoking inside.


And finally I'm unsure on what exactly I will be having but I will be having a tattoo to represent the boarding house that I have been in for seven years and have made the most amazing friends. lol gay.


Anyway I feel a bit like I am about to pass out so yeah, I love you all and have a happy fucking crimbo!

If anyone has any questions about piercings or stretching ears drop me a message, I've stretched my ear to 16mm with no problems whats so ever :)
 

GCSE'S CAN SUCK COCK

Hi guys, feels so weird to be doing this again , fucking scary blank page AAHHHH FERIFBVEISR

Feel like I should do some cringey life update thing because I haven't posted anything in like a fucking century, I've managed to swear twice in this post already....good job ems....



So yeah it's the term of my GCSE'S and I'm literally as screwed as a hooker with a dick
DUN DUN DUN
that's pretty screwed right..... unless your into transvestites I guess..... hmm kinky shit

But what really makes my tits itch is when peoples are all " Oh my god I'm so going to fail"
NO
fuck off
80% in a chemistry test is not failing you bloody wank tard.
If you say your going to fail I will automatically think it's now okay for me to fail
But if you then go and get a bloody A fucking star
I will legitimately punch you in the fanny

so yeah
GCSE's suck cock
I'm getting wrinkles and stress is making me fat
Basically I am turning into a fat overly ripe raison

just searched raison into google..


NO IT FUCKING DOESNT YOU BLOODY IDIOTIC LUNATIC

oh my god

Right okay, I'm going to go eat the entire fridge and stare at some revision for five minuites before probably needing a shit


XXGIBBOXX

owen is a piece of dinosaur poop

THIRD EYE PIERCING

Hi guys, do you even remember me!! Haven't posted in forever!! Obviously not forever forever but a pretty long time

Pretty disappointing how nothings really happened
HA HA HA EMILY YOU HAVE NO LIFE
well actually, there's been a few snogs along the way......ppffftttt ;)
......oooooo cheeky

actually there was this massive scandal where I was accused of cheating on 3 blokes and some girl
BUT ANYWAY

I need a new piercing that goes with my septum so I'm thinking a third eye dermal piercing

Am I crazy.....probally!!

But I actually think there pretty hot and you wouldn't have that problem of eating, unlike lip rings
where you literally are forced to eat like a fucking camel

cwwwoorrrr shes a bit sexy

Apparently dermals are quite painful but after my septum Im not worried!! when my vagina stretches to the size of a melon when I give birth THEN I will be worried


Only thing about surface piercings is that they normally re surface quite quickly and leave a scar!! and it would be smack in the middle of my head......

hahahahahahahhaahha

MEH

not that bad right......



OK I GOTTA GO MEET SOME RETARDS NOW
bibi
XXGIBBOXX

youtube chanel

Heya cabbage face

Just want to let you guys know about my youtube channel, I'm slightly addicted to it!! I need to get out more...

So anyways, check it out I post loads of random shit from my boarding school. ahahahahaha its pretty fucking wierd

Heres a sneeky link

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGLz50T_aQgqQRizaBKi-aQ/videos

I f your thinking about a septum piercing theres also me having mine pierced on my channel so check that out ;)



XXGIBBOXX

alcohol tips from a idiot

Hi guys your be surprised to know I'm not actually dead!! Although I did almost die at last weeks campout ...



Soooo yeah I was that girl lying on the floor with my pants on full display, while a ginger kid held back my hair so I could puke proper....

Well the kid holding back my hair did a crappy job! Iwoke up the next morning with outmeal chunder all over my hair

SOOOOO because I have no life and I seem to have a fuck load of bad exsperience....HERE ARE TEN TIPS ABOUT ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1..Dont be a bitch-shut up or you will get hit 

2.Eat Before the Event - Iknow lots of people want to look skinny before partys an shit but seriously if you dont eat u will throw up and look like a idiot

3. Never trust a drunk boy-they will try to fuck you

4.Shave EVERYTHING-you may feel a random urge to remove all clothing

5. Dont have herpes and kiss people-they will hate you for life, you peasant!!

6. If your gonna do drugs dont get caught- could be a very awkward conversation with mum

7. Get on facebook- Be on fb quickly the next morning for some serious untagging

8. Bring condoms-hey mum

9. Always bring your phone-you may wake up the next morning in a shed

10.Dont be a nun- It will be shit and God will hate you for going


so go get fucked ;)


XXGIBBOXX
 BYE